Golden Sun and Silver Moon
by Walks-the-Umbra
Summary: Hints of shounen-ai, and a few dark images. Reflections by both Satoshi and Shigeru.


## Golden Sun and Silver Moon

Satoshi

Finally, a chance for some peace and quiet. A chance to reflect.

Times had changed since he was that eager ten-year-old going out into the world to become a Pokemon master. Yes, times had changed greatly. He was now sixteen, much more mature, much more understanding of the world, much stronger as a trainer.

Much more hurt than he'd ever though possible.

He sat on a ledge overlooking the waters of Lake Ikari, legs folded underneath him, staring out at the setting sun, which was turning the sky a beautiful shade of lavendar. The ball of fire itself was a bright golden, and it hurt his eyes to look at it. He was quite alone, as he had been for some time. True, there were others with him, but he'd grown so far apart from them it wasn't funny. 

He'd seperated himself from everyone he'd known, it seemed. It hurt less that way. If you don't feel, you can't get hurt; that was the motto he'd lived by for the past two years. Ever since that time . . .

No, he couldn't think about that now. Forget the past for now. Deal with the present, not the awful memories of before. Focus on the setting sun.

Ah, the sun. He hadn't sat and watched it for quite some time. The last time was . . . with Shigeru. The last time they'd tried to sort things out, to put the past behind them and start over, as friends instead of the rivals they'd been for so many years. 

It hadn't worked.

But over all that time, he hadn't stopped thinking about his rival, and what they could have so easily been.

What he wanted them to be.

It was one of his many little secrets, he supposed. How he felt about Shigeru. He'd never let on to anyone how he felt, of course. He couldn't risk the few people that actually respected him find out that part of him. Especially Kasumi.

Despite what she said, Kasumi did feel something for him. There were times he wanted to give in to her subtle advances and take her in his arms, make love to her the way he knew she wanted. It might even make some of his pain disappear, held him forget.

Then at other times, he wanted to run away is disgust.

Such was the life of a wannabe Pokemon master. He'd even given up that dream years ago, when he'd figured out that he didn't ave the skills needed to go anywjhere in the Pokemon world. Pikachu was still with him, of course, but more as a friend and protector than an animal to train. He could never turn his back on Pikachu. Not after all they'd been through. Pikachu was the only one who could accept him for who he really was. 

As the sun was halfway down the horizon, stars began to appear in the ever-darkening sky. He began to think about Shigeru again. For some reason, he just couldn't get the boy off his mind tonight. His deep eyes, the way the wind played with his hair, the way his body . . . 

Mustn't think of that now. Couldn't . . . 

He sighed, and stood up, taking one last look at the sun, which was almost below the horizon now. Last light was fading from the sky. Beautiful, he thought. So very beautiful. He walked away from the edge of the ledge and back to the campsite. He could already smell food cooking over the campfire he knew had been started. 

He was right. Kenji was sitting and sketching a Yorunozuku that had just appeared. Takeshi was stirring something in a large pot. Kasumi, who was unrolling sleeping bags for everyone, looked up when she heard his footsteps. "Satoshi, you're late," she said gently, winking at him. "Supper is almost ready."

He grunted something and turned to his sleeping bag, already opened on spread out on the ground. Not wanting anything to eat, he crawled into it and stared at the stars above him, ignoring the odd looks from his friends. 

It wasn't long before he fell asleep.

Shigeru

He stood there, watching the sleeping boy. Not any of the others around him. Just the dark-haired boy, slightly seperated from the rest of the group. 

Just Satoshi.

Even in his sleep the boy was a loner, he thought. Staying out of reach of everyone. He didn't know why, though. He'd always thought Satoshi to be very sociable, and very outgoing. What had changed about him?

Ah yes, that story Satoshi had told him that one time. About the rape. About how he felt he couldn't be close to anyone again. Shigeru had tried to prove him wrong the night he'd been told that. Not making sexual advances, but making it clear that the boy was wanted. 

It hadn't worked, of course. The attempt at being friends, at being more than friends, had failed miserably. He felt he only had himself to blame. He'd pushed Satoshi too hard, or he'd said the wrong things. It could never be. They hadn't spoken since.

But it hadn't been long before their paths crossed again. A trail of released Pokemon had been signs to him, signs saying, "Satoshi was here." He'd trailed the boy for almost a month now, staying out of sight, only daring to be within twenty feet when it was dark, and Satoshi was asleep. 

Satoshi looked so peaceful when he was asleep. His face was free from any pain and trouble. It was a wonder nightmares didn't plague him, with all that had happened to him. But Shigeru knew if he saw those eyes, all the burdens of his life would be reflected in them. 

It was one of Shigeru's widely known secrets. How he certainly didn't prefer girls of any age. Sometimes he wondered if he prefered anything but Satoshi. He thought he was obsessed with the younger boy, obsessed to the point that it was unhealthy. It saddened him to think that thought, but it was always there in the back of his mind, aways nagging him to rethink his emotions.

He yawned. It was getting late. He didn't have to look at the position of the full moon to figure that out. He felt like he hadn't slept in days. A cool breeze blew, ruffling his reddish hair, blowing locks of it in his face. He used to love it when that happened. About five years ago, when he was surrounded by hordes of screaming fans.

He always suspected his grandfather had paid those women to follow him around and cheer for him. After all, they'd shown up the very day he set out to start training Pokemon. They'd stood by him when he failed those many times in the beginning, when he started to get better, when he became an arrogant snob. The snob face had always been a defense, he supposed. Couldn't let anyone know how soft-hearted he could be at times. It would ruin his reputation for being a good trainer. After all, did a good trainer let his Pokemon laze around just because they may have been a little tired?

That was the reason he wasn't a Pokemon Master. He'd driven his Pokemon too hard. One by one, as his cheerleaders left him, so did his Pokemon, until he had nothing left. Even his Ibui had gone, although it had stayed with him the longest. He cried when he'd discovered that it was gone. He'd cried for hours, refusing to eat, or let anyone see him. Everything had left him. Everything had gone away because he was too stubborn to show emotions and be kind. 

Because he was an arrogant little prick.

He shook off those thoughts quickly, and turned back to Satoshi. Was it better to think of something you'd nver have instead of the things that had left you? He wasn't sure he wanted the answer to that one.

Letting the silvery light on the moon guide his way, he walked over to the sleeping Satoshi as silently as he could. Taking care not to disturb any dry leaves or twigs, he knelt down beside the sleeping bag. He brushed a stray lock of hair from Satoshi's face, and the boy moved slightly in his sleep, a small smile appearing on his face. Tears formed in Shigeru's eyes at the smile. He hadn't seen it in so long. He might never see it again. 

Leaning over, he gently brushed his lips over Satoshi's forehead, and stood up, turning away before his emotions got the better of him. "Sleep well, Sato-chan," he whispered, as he walked away into the night.


End file.
